The Ticking Of The Clock

Just dropping by for a short while.  It’s been quite a busy and trying days for me (emotionally).  So…yeah…I sat in front of my laptop everyday and tried my best to find My Moments Of Tranquility but, this emotional battles are so overwhelming, I can’t type even one words to start a new entry on my blog.

It’s October now.  And it’s coming to an end.  November is coming soon.  Only me and my family know what it means to all of us. Few years back, I never felt any different of each different month.  But now, no matter how hard I try to ignore, October and November will be forever a heart wrenching months for us, or at least for me.

My husband is the one who is being effected the most by my emotional battles.  Well, he is the closest person to me now.  Like it or not, if I am happy, or sad, or grieving or in my worst behavior…all the emotions will be thrown to him as well.  I guess, that is the blessing as well as a curse in every marriage.  That is why marriage is sometimes referred as ‘two become one’.  We have no choice but to share each other’s burden.

Days passing…the clock is ticking.  It’s one week towards the end of October.  I remember planting a ‘padi’ in a very small piece of my sister’s land with my mom on the final week of October last year. We laugh together and have fun.  She made the hole on the ground and I put the ‘padi’ seed inside the hole.  Only the two of us.  It is a very small area to plant a ‘padi’.  And the seed we bring is only one very small basket.  It was more like we were a children playing a planting ‘padi’ games.  She said she just want to try if the land is good to plant a ‘padi’. We had a great time.  It was a memorable moments.  I still remember her smiling face, her joyfulness that very day. 

Those days, I never took time to notice the beauty of sunset.  I never took time to appreciate the joy of sunrise.  Let alone to notice the ticking of the clock.  But, I guess even if I spend one whole day to prepare to notice all these things,  I still would not know if it was the final days I have with my beloved mom.  I would never know if it was the final week I have with her and the smiling face that day on the ‘padi’ field will be the last joyful smile of her I behold in my memories.  There is no way I would know.

Ahhh…..yup my tears are shedding now.  As always whenever I think of her.  It’s still hurt so much if I let myself sink too deep in the memories.  I better pen off now before this room is floading with my tears. 

Guys, no one know how long we live.  But it’s good to take time to notice the beauty of each moment around you.  It might not tell you much but at least it can remind you to appreciate your loves one.

Until later!

The Sea...His Passion, My Hidden Fear!

It was one of the night in the year of early 1980’s. A silent night, and it seems darker than usual.  My parents and me on the wide sea in my dad ship.  We stop to rest for the night.  The sea is so calm.  And my mom put me to sleep.  Then in the middle of the night,  I was woken up and somehow feel disoriented.  I was so wet.  It’s like I was playing on the rain.  The ship was shaking terribly and there is the loud hissing sound of wind.  I looked up to the ceiling of the ship and all I can see is darkness and rain pouring over me.  I look around and saw my mom and dad running around the ship, throwing some rice to the sky with an anguish cry to pagan gods for help. ( I didn’t born a Christian. We were pagan before).  It was a terrible chaos.  Than I understand that we were hit by a deadly sea storm.  So deadly that, I would say it was between life and death experience. But somehow, we survived the sea storm. I don’t remember feeling scared that time.  And, as I wake up the next morning, I guess I don’t even remember the memory of the night.  But I grown up feeling scared whenever I heard a loud hissing sound of wind.  It was a few years later in my teenage years that suddenly the memory of the night came back to me. And I ask my mom about it.  My mom told me that, the ceiling of the ship has been flown off by the wind.  That’s why I saw only darkness and rain pouring over me.  But then, the water that I thought was rain pouring over me was actually not rain.  There is no rain that night.  It was actually the sea water that carried by the wind.  The truth is, we could be dead that night.  It’s a miracle we survived.  The ship is 70% wrecked.  My mom said, my dad predicted that if the wind didn’t stop for another few minutes, we were finished!  The shocking truth is, the storm that hit us that night, is not an ordinary sea storm.  It was actually, a TORNADO. 

Mmm…that was one of the reasons why I never really like sea.  I still feel some kind of trauma whenever I think of it.  Not that I do not appreciate the beauty and the serenity of the sea.  Sea and beaches is for sure a beautiful landscape that cannot be denied.  But somehow, the unpredictable rage and the mystery of it are really disturbing and intimidating.  Well, at least for me. J  Whenever I look at the calm surface of the sea, I cannot help to think about what kind of creatures living down there.  Furthermore….I cannot swim!!! L It’s a reason strong enough to fear the sea don’t you think?

But, moving in to this small island, I realize that there is not much activities we can do other than picnic, fishing and fish netting.  All fall to category of activity that is related to sea.  And what make it worse, my husband is really fond of it.  In fact, it is his passion.  So…like it or not I have to learn to face my fear because he enjoy bring me along.  So, like shown in the picture, it’s me trying to be friendly with the sea. 

Have you ever heard of the kingdom of darkness under a sea?  It was said that, it will claim a victim once in a while.  That is why, sometimes people can be drawn in a calm and shallow sea without a logic reason.  Well..in my opinion it’s actually an evil.  As we know, evil can be everywhere.  Not only on sea.  So, no matter what we do, swimming on the sea or flying on the air..the most important thing is to pray for protection from our God.  That is the only guarantee that any kingdom of darkness won’t be able to attack us. Because in Him, we are tightly protected!

Looking back to the memorable night, I wonder what stopped the tornado in time.  We were pagan that time.  We were unbeliever!  But now I believe, God in his love and mercy has been watched over my parents and me.  He loves us and has wonderful plan ahead for us.  Thus, he commanded the tornado to cease, stop…and save us.  And for that, I thank God. 

But still…I am scared of sea.  Huuhuhuhu.

Until Tomorrow guys!