Another Changes

Hi Everyone.  

As you can see, I have changed my blog title again and change some of it's design.  I finally re-decide to create a new blog using the blog title that I created recently 'Through Each Given Days'.  The reason behind this decision was simply because I want to have a blog that has a same blog title and blog web address.  By doing this I hope, it is narrowing the possibilities of coming across a blog that has a similar title with mine again in the future (Even though it's possible of course).  But, at least I have made an effort to avoid it.

Please be notified that I do not plan to update any new entry on this blog again.  For those of you who has been following me , you are welcome to continue following me on the new blog through this web address:

http://througheachgivendays.blogspot.com/.

Thank you very much for your support and sorry for the inconvenience cause.  I see you in my other blog.

Friendship Forever????

Friendship.  Yeah…I start to have a mixture feeling even before I type the first word of it.  For some reasons, this is one thing that always give me a feeling of....well..something so very hard to  describe.  Hurt, agony…a longing and happiness too.   It’s been quite sometimes that I wanted to post an entry about this particular subject.  And every time, I would fail to finish it for I become too emotional and deeply touched for uncertain reason.  Well…I think I know the reason…just…I refuse to admit it.

I happen to hang out with one of my ‘remaining’ very close friend yesterday and have some ‘heart to heart’ chat with her at a small coffee shop.  Ohhh..we did this a lot in the old days.  It’s one of the thing we really love to do together.   We talked mostly about her upcoming wedding.  And she share some of her thoughts, plans..fear…excitement.   And she told me that somehow, during all this process…she eventually become frustrated towards one of her very close friend (not me of course and…yes…hopefully never me).  She was softly ‘hurt’ simply because that friend of hers didn’t give her the ‘million congrats…I am happy for you’ reaction when she told her about the confirmed date of the wedding. In fact, she almost has no reaction at all!

Well, for some people….they might consider my friend a bit silly and over sensitive for being hurt by that simple matter.  But, I do understand how she felt.  I have been there and I understand.  Having  that particular ‘heart to heart’ chat with her yesterday evoke something deep inside me…something I try to ignore every day.

I remember having a few people that I consider my very close friends.  Friends that I met, during my primary school, my secondary school, college and a friends in my work place.  I don’t have many though for I am not the kind who let myself easily connected strongly in friendship with just anyone.  But a few that I have, I try my best to appreciate them in any way within my ability. Being there for them through laugh and tears, being a shoulder for them to cry…drive hundreds of km to the unknown territory and being lost just to attend their special days…just for being there in a hope that they can see how serious I am in that friendship and wish that they won’t forget the friendship.  But after sometimes, I realize….I should not expect too much on what we called… ‘friendship forever’.  Perhaps….it’s just another form of fairy tale.

I started to feel being neglected by one of my close friend a few months before I met my husband.  I was single and live alone in a big city. I use to hang out with her.  Do crazy things together.  And eventually, she has been taken and she has another priority.  She started to spend less and less time with me.  And…yeah I know this is sound silly…but I feel neglected that time. I feel so alone and lonely.  Somehow, after months of trying…I survived it. I just tell myself that, I cannot blame her.  She has another responsibility. I moved on and manage to hang out and have fun with other friend and in the end my husband.  But not without missing her every now and then.

But, things turn out that she was not the only one who makes me feel neglected.  Through times, some also disappearing and it’s very hard to hear from them. Some indirectly shows me that they have other best friend and I do not matter much.  Even then, I still hoping.  But, there is one time where I feel I have enough.  It was when, I look around a big hall…scanning each faces…and none of them belong to person that I consider my close friend except one.  It was on my wedding day.  In fact, out of 400 guests attended my wedding that night, only 2 of my friend from school and 5 workmate come to attend my wedding.  The rest are my relatives and my parents’ friend. So,  I think I have the right to be hurt somehow.  And I won’t lie….I was angry and terribly hurt that time.  It was so frustrating. Never in my life I felt so alone….so friendless.

After months of dealing with it (without confronting any of them harshly), magically I survived the heart ache somehow.  Perhaps, my marriage and my new responsibility make me more ‘understanding’ and ‘forgiving’.  It matures me in some way.  But it doesn’t mean I agree to their action.  They have wronged me for sure but it’s fine and it’s okay.  I have let it pass.   Life is too short for anger.  It’s time to move on and be happy and make other people happy.

All in all, after going through all these experience…to be honest I don’t think I believe in the foundation of friendship anymore.  Let alone… the foundation of ‘Friendship Forever’.  Friendship is there…yes…it certainly there.  But the foundation is so fragile and somewhat shaky.  Like marriage, it needs hard work and perhaps a bit sacrifice if not a lot. Only then, it will work. 

   

So guys, I believe each and every one of us has at least one friend.  If you value your friend, work for it.  It’s a rare treasure to find in our short life.  I don’t know who or how many close friend I have today will remain by my side, but I would be grateful enough if there is at least one person left to laugh  and reminisce the old memories with me during an evening tea spend on a balcony  facing a misty mountains and valleys and scents of blooming roses are everywhere.... in my old age.  Yeah....a glimpse of a future I wish I would have!!

That's all for today.  Until Later!