It took me quite sometimes to finally create this blogging space. Exploring, learning, refers to other blogs for some ideas. But most of the time, I will just disconnected the internet connection, off my laptop (oppss..my husband’s laptop actually) with an empty hand. I was draining out of ideas. And what was it that troubling my brain so much to find? Guess what guys, it’s simply the title of my blog!
Well..it’s not that everyone would care to read it. But it’s my blog, my space, my empty canvas to sketch however I like. So, I need something that at least can describe the contents of the blog and picture out me as a person. I need a magic word that has a very strong connection to my life. And finally, the best I can get is ‘TRANQUILITY’ and I like it. That’s what I seek all this while.
Why this words? Mmmm…let me bring you back to my brief history. I was born in a big and loving family. Humble beginning though but, strong will and hard work of my dad make me dare to say, it’s a perfect blessing to be born in this family. And I am the youngest child. It’s an extra blessing. But I was an ugly child. Hahahaha. Ugly but adorable. Yeah right!!! Well, ugly or not, it doesn’t matter. At least I am adorable in my kindred’s eyes.
But, little did they know and I didn’t know it myself back then, that I grown up became teenagers and young single woman fighting a hard battle on my mind. My parents and my siblings are a very special person in my eyes. All of them! They are talented, they are genius and even some of them not, they have their own unique strength that is so rare to find. In other words, they are a successful human being. Thus, they have put a very high standard for me to keep up.
I’ve been through a lot in that battle. A bittersweet experience I would say. Been praised and applauded, been awarded and criticized, fell in love, being in love, rejected and out of love, stumble and fall and raise up. It’s draining me up.
Living alone in a big city as a young and single woman, giving me an opportunity to enjoy my single life. Crazy life. Well not that I am a bad woman, but I have a wild side too. Working and squeeze my brain in a day and embrace night life few times in a week. Dress up, flirt, dance, got drunk and all the hoo haa hoo haa. And at the end of the day, when the disco lights go out, I will find myself sitting in the dark alone and in tears. It’s hectic, it’s lonely, it’s meaningless.
Time passes by and I am married now, and slowly I feel that my old self is fading away. Lot’s of thing has changed since then. I cannot say if this is better or worst. I couldn’t say that I am happier now coz, I lost a few things that are so meaningful and dear to me as well. I lost a few friends of mine, I lost my job and above all I lost my beloved mother. So, how could I say, this is better..this is happier when someone that has the biggest influence in my life has gone. But one thing for sure, all this heartbreaking lost makes me moving slower in pace. The battle is still there of course. But I think it’s up to me to decide on how to fight in that battle.
Moving in with my husband in a new place, no connection and jobless gave me an ample time to look inside myself. Going through each day running the house as lady of our small house somehow teach me a lot about wifely duty. After all is done, I take my quiet time to drown inside myself, think about my lost and how to cure my weeping soul, think about the uncertain future, reminisce the old times and appreciate the blessing of the presents.
I am still fighting. The battle is not over. After all, it’s a lifetime battle. But I need time to rest as well. A time for myself to stop running for a while in the midst of the hectic lifestyle. A time for myself to have my quiet and serene moment, enjoying every second of it and sketch on my empty canvas. That is why I choose the words, Tranquility. A moments of peace…a moments of calmness. This is what I called, My Moments of Tranquility.
So…that’s all for today guys. See you in my next post.
Bye for now and Hasta Manana!!
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